Chainsaws & New Beginnings

How about we start off with a confession? It is not juicy, intriguing or shameless by any means, it just brings to light a lazy part of myself. I have been working on this blog for six months, yes, that is right six months. If I can give any advice to women, it would be to NOT start a project or anything new when you are EIGHT months pregnant. Or when you have a newborn because, well, here we are, finally starting my first blog post and my son Liam, is four months old.

Let's move on, because today we are not talking about my son, my pregnancy, or my delivery. However my crazy delivery of Liam will be a separate post for another time.

Tomorrow is an "anniversary" for my husband and I. It is the day I moved myself and my cat, Bella to Saskatoon after I quit my job as a Certified Arborist for the City of Winnipeg to be with Dale. We are celebrating this by doing the exact thing I did for a living and had an passion for, tree removal! How funny is life sometimes, that things align so perfectly you can not help but stand back and think how did this happen.. even though you planned it (unknowingly). Anyway, why am I blogging about the aerial removal of a dozen trees in our yard tomorrow? Well, not only is this a little introduction of myself for those who may not know me or not know me very well. It is also a great platform to use to fill some gaps of my life and thoughts of mine that have gone on these past two years, that I do not share very often.

Do you notice one of the most common questions people ask others upon meeting them is, what they do for a living? Here is a confession, in the past two years I have grown to hate that question. Before moving to Saskatoon I used to love it, I loved peoples reactions seeing a 5 foot 3, 120 pound woman not only use a 23 pound chainsaw, but be a lead hand of a bush crew. Talk about girl power! (Go ahead and roll your eyes.) I took huge pride in my job, I was dedicated and very knowledgeable in my field.

Here is where my problem lies, once I took that away I felt like I lost my identity. Has anyone else gone through this? Sure I moved away from my family, friends, and my church, and of course, those things also make up who you are. However those are things worth missing, but I also missed my job, how sad is that! I felt it represented who I was and it was gone.

Do not get me wrong, I made the choice to quit my job and move to Saskatoon. Dale did not push me to do it or give me any type of ultimatum. We felt it was the right decision for both of us and our future together. We felt God was behind it and my family was on board which was very important to me. However after moving here, I felt like I was Dale's shadow! It sounds horrible I know, or maybe it sounds pretty great, I mean Dale is an awesome person! But for me, I was living in HIS house, hanging out with HIS friends, living in "HIS" city and sometimes it was just plain hard.

I hope I do not sound ungrateful or selfish or spoiled, although I probably do. I knew how blessed I was, I found the love of my life! But you guys, moving is hard! Starting a new life is not easy. If any of you have done this, you know how incredibly difficult it can be. I was amazed to see how long it took me to come away from my thoughts of what made up my identity. I am not just an arborist or just Dale's wife, that is not my identity. I am Sarah Holte. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God (Psalm 139:14). I am my own person. I love to dance, run, cook and eat. I love to garden and watch movies. And I just so happen to love my husband and love cutting down trees with the biggest chainsaw you can possibly find! (As long as it is a Stihl, sorry, lumberjack humor.)

With that being said, becoming a mom these last few months, once again I struggle with my identity. The thought that I am "just a mom" comes into my head a lot! I am a woman who has a child, who needs me, but that does not represent the totality of myself. Any other ladies struggle with this identity issue? I have found though the two things that have helped me a lot have been; staying active and making my own friends, seriously endorphins and laughter are two amazing things! Oh and coffee, never forget coffee! Have I bored you all yet? Hope not!

Let's bring this full circle, so what am I doing tomorrow? I am going to gear up, grab my husbands chainsaw and join him in the high-lift that we rented, and cut down a bunch of problem trees in our yard. If that is not a good way to celebrate an "anniversary" I don't know what is!

Thank you Lord for providing us the means to do what we need to do each day and for new beginnings and for the good and bad that go along with them.

Blessings,

Sarah

#faith #chainsaws #anniversary #Christian #blog